The Digital Tower of Babble

That’s right: Not Babel.
Babble.

Ever get the feeling that things are just spinning out of control?
What is at this point an overused punchline in dumb Rom-Com’s (You know: The muppet on the screen blathers “He texted me so I myspaced him but he didn’t Twitter back!”; The muppets at the film studio all coo, “Oh, that’s so hilarious and current!”) is also my reality: I can’t- no, better- I don’t want to keep up with all this shit.
I’m sorry, it’s too much (typically useless) information from too many sources - with not enough time to process it all.
I’m considering just… shutting it all down.

Now, I know… this isn’t new territory. But at least I’m not Tweeting about Twitter so back off man.

Anyway-
We’re learning bad habits and we don’t allow enough time to recover from them.
Patience, already dangerously close to nonexistent, is now being tested to the limits because instead of an actual phone call (or heaven-forbid, a letter sent in the mail) we now just click and expect immediate results. If you’ve ever felt relieved that you’d spent “quality time” with someone because you sent them a text message, it may be too late.

Attention span?
What’d you just ask me?
Yeah, forget it. Everything demands attention rightthisminuterightnow. I mean, there are actual people who live life right now expecting immediate response to any and every message - and who get genuinely worried/upset/pissed off/insulted/etc. if there isn’t an immediate response.
Ironic twist - there’s no need to worry because, hey, some bright and shiny new toy will probably distract them from their anger and they’ll be off your back for at least long enough to text/email/tweet/IM you about their new toy… and yes, the cycle will begin again.
Hope we have enough toys to keep this up.

Sincerity? Do you even need to ask?
How much can someone actually mean something when they send it out to no one in particular? And if you call someone stupid or irrelevant or amazing or iconic but you don’t sign your actual name… how much can you really mean it?
You’ve heard the term, “Give him enough rope, he’ll hang himself,” right? Well, this rope is digital and endless. While all of the above issues are intertwined, I believe the overall lack of sincerity is the central cord in the noose.
I just don’t think it’s possible for everyone to mean it all.

Every instant message; every last minute text; every comment; every note on a Facebook “Wall”; every Tweet - how can all of this be sincere enough to actually matter?

Technologically, everything is so advanced - how can we resist? Every form of entertainment and time-passing is so much more real than what we’ve known. We put a lot of time and money into this stuff… and these advances do in fact bring the world closer. But for all the benefits that the digital our digital Work of Wonder has brought forward, I can’t help but think of a certain Tower… built so high. I’m not so sure we’re building this tower to reach heaven, we’re certainly trying to reach some form of ultimate autonomy.
We can talk to anyone at any time and from any where… and we don’t even need bricks and mortar.

There’s good and bad to all of these advances - that’s the pinch. I actually take advantage of many of the technological progressions of our era but… I spend a lot of time with people who wouldn’t be able to live without them. That’s… amazing.

Top 5 Most Awesome & Simultaneously Most Horrible Recent Inventions:

5. HDTV
It’s at 5 because I hate it the least - in fact it’s only on the list because I love it too much - and would shut it down last.
Shark Week in HD? Worth every second invested.
Raider game in HD? Worth every second invested as long as we win.
But… I Survived in HD? Can they not get one single person with good skin on this show??? If you’re gonna spend an hour listening to someone tell a horrific story about the human monster they survived, the least the director could do is secure a nice cleansing scrub. Maybe more air-conditioning in the studio. (Look: The stories are riveting, just… stop dragging it out. I know the world is terrifying - I don’t need to see the Frankenstein-stitch scars from the stab wounds in dude’s neck while he’s telling me what I already know… in HD.)
Unfortunately HD has now spoiled my eyeballs rotten - I see any sporting event on a regular TV and I’m instantly frustrated. But pretty much anything else - except Jon & Kate-like banalities - comes on the TV in HD and I’m hooked.
Next thing you know… it’s tomorrow. And there are crumbs everywhere.
I say it’s awesome because it’s awesome, and horrible because it’s awesome.

4. MySpace
“Why only #4, Mark?”
I’ll tell you why: Because it’s no longer a problem, really. I already did that addiction, that panic, that “hustle” - and I’m over it. Just like pretty much everyone I know. Millions upon millions of pages of bad HTML (Tell me I can “learn” HTML in 15 minutes by going to some website and you’ll just have to forgive me for not believing you.) and poorly uploaded videos means that opening most any MySpace page eventually became too much work. Now a days, it’s just a digital festival of unsigned bands - something I’d avoid in real life. Online… so much easier to just… not.
Horrible because it was once awesome.

3. Facebook
Coming in at 3rd place, just ahead of it’s former rival, Facebook has now surpassed MySpace in so many ways for me that I can’t even measure them. It’s quick, it’s simple and it actually does perform the function of keeping you in contact with people you’d actually like to stay in contact with. Also nice: No more “We have similar tastes in music, thought you might like this, too!”
Problem with FB - why it’s both horrible and awesome at the same time? - it’s too much a part of the day’s zeitgeist. (yeah, I know) People actually get mad at you for not using it… so you do and then… you kind of can’t help it. You’re in it. You’re wet. Get a laptop and FB page and an HD Deadliest Catch marathon we’re back to “How is it tomorrow?” and all the crumbs.
Plus… Mafia Wars. Texas Hold ‘Em. Hello.

2. Twitter
This was a tough one - mostly because I’m trying to determine if it’s 1 to 5 in awesomeness ore 1 to 5 in shittiness… or some kind of combo. Hang it. It is what it is.
Twitter is… so dumb. I use it, so I know. It’s idiotic on almost every level. Never before has so much information that no one wants been so available. “I just went to the bathroom.” I use the network because it’s easier to update the Facebook status from my phone… and also to follow some very important updates. Like this one from Jerry McDonald:
“They did it in public, so I can write about it. Russell flips to McFadden, who hands to Nick Miller on reverse to the left . . .”
You know… important stuff.
Look, you can say something to a lot of people quickly - you can
But yes, the absurdity of updating the Universe on every trite event of one’s life is not lost on me. I get it. But here’s where it gets weird: That’s not the dumbest aspect of Twitter - at all. And no, it’s not the lingo. Tweets vs. Twitter and all of that - c’mon, it’s not that hard. You want to know what it is? You want to know what it utterly unacceptable about this service?
Tweeting about Twitter.
Imagine this: Imagine my entire blahg were about… blahgging. Imagine an album of songs about singing. A work of fiction about… works of fiction.
Not exactly compelling.
This guy is a major offender - and it’s not just because he’s a Bronco Sympathizer, although I do hold that against him. It’s that he just can’t stop Tweeting about Tweeting and it really tweets me off! Unfortunately, to get the updates on the footballs I gots to wade through the dumb dumb stuffs.
And all those issues I mentioned earlier? Impatience, lack of attention and lack of sincerity? Yeah, this is kind of… where all those meet to become one in a big mashup of gross.

And now, for the grand finale, the apogee (or whatever…):
NUMBER 1.
Well, I gotta tell you: this kind of settles it. This list is a 1 to 5 of awfulness, 1 being the worst because this little invention is where all this crap started:

1. The Cellphone
AKA The Leash.
AKA The Excuse.
(As in, “What’s you’re excuse for talking during this movie I paid $12 to get into? Oh, you’re on your phone.”)
Once upon a time I resisted. I resisted as long as I could but it was futile. Now… I am a slave. I wear a leash that stretches… across the world.
The cellphone is great for more reasons than I have the patience to list here and horrible for twice as many - but mainly it’s horrible because there is no debate, there is no “Nah, I don’t get those things” or whatever acceptable reason still remains for people to not Facebook or subscribe to HD service or whatever.
Cell Phones are not optional.
I’m not even kidding: I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have one. Maybe FiFi’s grandma. Maybe.
These little curses have taken over the world and are to blame for pretty much every other thing there is that leads us to impatiently hurry, not pay enough attention, and communicate in shallow and insincere bursts. Be it hand to ear in traffic or stopping a conversation with the person in front of you mid-sentence while you answer your BlueTooth - we can’t get off the phone.

And let us not forget the “other” aspect of the mobile phone that makes it that much more of a nightmare: Texting.
Curses!!!.
The text message is responsible for a constant stream of interruption, willful or completely out of one’s control. Combine the fact that without any universal way to communicate all the tones in the human voice, by default the text message almost always leads… to more text messages. The abbreviations, the jargon, the sheer number of them… the surge in text messaging over the last few years has made even the most shallow emails seem like long forgotten windows to the soul.

And it all wraps up in that damn phone. Don’t deny it. It’s probably sitting right next to you right now, isn’t it? Did you just stare at it? What, ‘fraid it might know you’re talking beside it’s back?

I’ll be honest with you… I started this entire blog because I wanted to bitch about cellphones.

Now that I’ve done it, I’m surprisingly unsatisfied. Maybe because I know that it just doesn’t matter.
No one cares.
People love this crap.
We love the distractions… and I fear our dependence on them is at this point irreversible.
You think the terrorists are still aiming at our… planes?
Haha. LOLZ. LMAO.
All they have to do to send this country back to the Dark Ages is turn off the juice. Wanna keep yourself safe from Al Qaeda?: Go camping.

What would we do without all of these basic necessities bells and whistles?
Not sure.
Turn off the phone for a day and tell me what you think.

P.S. If you think that Universal Health Care is some sort of Commie Plot - SHUT UP.
If you haven’t watched SiCKO yet and you’re still talkin’ all that nonsense, I just want you to know that I know you’re a sucker.