Bad Religion to enter studio on May 1

Per Punk News:

Bad Religion now has plans to enter the studio on May 1 to record their fifteenth studio album. The album will be produced by Joe Barresi, who also produced 2007’s New Maps of Hell and engineered 2004’s The Empire Strikes First.

A fall 2010 release is expected. Prior to entering the studio, the band will be playing a few shows in California and Nevada.

Sarah Palin, Ahmadinejad, and… the Reunion of The Crucified?

14 years after playing our last show, the Crucified has risen from the dead. (Kind of)
The setting: Calvary Chapel Golden Springs - church home to Raul Ries, the first and only guest vocalist on any Crucified album - in Diamond Bar, CA
The occasion: Musical accompaniment to the testimony of Sonny “Whosoever” formerly of P.O.D. (also formerly of dreadlocks that had to weigh like, 13 pounds)

We arrived at the usual rock club hour of *ahem*… 3:30-ish in the afternoon. In other words - 3 hours after my morning coffee. It was so early for me that after we played our set - which was separated into two parts by Sonny’s testimony and a brief altar call - I ate my lunch.
The sun was out, shining and actually… kind of a nice touch. That church is on a big ol’ hill in Diamond Bar, and actually boasts what might be the only nice view in Diamond Bar. (Unless dirt and weeds are your thing - in which case you could move to my home town of Madera, CA for a lot less Green $tuff) We arrived at different times but that was probably the only thing about the day that seemed unconnected.
It was a big day for me - but not because The Crucified is back together.
We’re not really back together, anyway - people can start talking about that when and (a big) if we start writing music again. Till then - it’s a lot of fun, but we’re mostly looking forward to putting out some of the music we always felt got the shaft in a way that all four of us can look back on without minor vurp sensations.
No, the day was special because… I got a little faith back.
(Just a little, bleeding hearts - don’t get all weird on me.)
Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think about this trip straight into the Space Monkey’s gaping maw, rocking my Red Shirt and eager to show my sand. I had reservations - after all, it was at a Calvary Chapel, where I have had… let’s just say, history. Were they gonna corner my band and start praying over us or speaking nonsense that they’ll later tell us was tongues? Will some guy ask me how my “Walk” was? Will they stage a book burning upon my arrival? Will they say something crazy to a friend who’s never been to church before - or potentially worse - a friend who hasn’t been in years?
I wasn’t sure, and it started off a little shaky.
I came out of the “green room” - standard, pee-wee Sunday school classroom, little toilet and everything! It was hilarious but clean - and some guy came up to me, with that look…

Calvary Guy: “Hey brother. Listen, umm… we can’t have, uh, y’know… smoking on the grounds.”
Me: “Uhh… okay? Who… what? Where?”
Couldn’t think of who was smokin’ out there - this ain’t a Stavesacre show! (teehee)
Calvary Guy: “Oh, hey! No problem man… just… I didn’t want to offend you, you know? Some kids here are recovering from smoking and I’d hate to have this be any more difficult for them…”
Me: “Oh! Yeah. I gotcha. Well, let’s see.”

Outside, one of my old friend Klank’s circus buddies, named Sinbad, was havin’ a square. (Yes, I said: CIRCUS)
Slightly awkward conversation followed, Sinbad stamped his smoke and it was all good. Only slightly awkward. Seriously. Sinbad didn’t even get offended, he just said, “No problem.” I’ve had those conversations before - they can get uncomfortable. However, in a refreshing change, it didn’t mark the beginning of some downward spiral like these things have in the past, and I really appreciated it.
Dare I say that the entire event was… *American Cultural Christian-speak Alert* a blessing.
There were so many old friends and old faces that I literally could not keep up. (I tried to introduce my wife to everyone that came up and said hello, which was idiotic on two fronts - 1) She’ll never remember them all; 2) I didn’t remember a lot of the names myself. “Hey… brother. This is my wife…”)
That’s always tricky - There’s the faces you know and recognize but it might take a second for your gears to click - but you actually do know each other so it’s not big deal. Unfortunately, standing next to that person is usually a guy will roll up and start talking stories, reminiscing about people you never actually knew and giving one-armed hugs and knowing grins but who gets all butt-hurt that you can’t remember. My apologies to all who feel the fell under the latter category - my brain only holds so much.

“‘Member that? Those were crazy days, man!”
“No.”
“Aww, man… yeah. Crazy.”

Anyhow, the truth is… most of the people I saw were sights for sore eyes - so much so that it was at moments overwhelming. Lots of the old Garden Grove/Church-of-the-New Order to South Bay/Sanctuary-era-of-the-Crucified worlds colliding. Lots of faces I remembered from shows that happened over 15 years ago, now with little ones in tow. Dirk is old news, but seeing him along with his old Focused buddies Tim Mann, Jason Parker and Mike Merryman - plus multiple members of the various Ed’s-era hardcore bands (ask Bellew if you can’t figure it out yourself) made me a little dizzy. And while the show was great, I think the reunions were special. And… hanging out in a church all day with people who actually mean you no harm wasn’t bad either.
Then…
The C.H.U.D.s came out. (it will never get old)

I came home and checked out my facebook page to see if any pics or videos from the show had been posted, only to see legitimately worried posts from friends with families and loved ones in Iran, where riots were erupting all over due to the rigged “re-election” of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I asked Wifey to turn on the news, hoping that the shining beacon of American Media would save me from an ignorance-fueled near future, but couldn’t find anything.
I mean, of course not. There was something far more pressing:
Bwave Sawah Pawin got her widdle feewings huwt and she wanted mean ‘ol (genius) Dawid Wettewman to apowogize for being such a big, mean nanny-boo-boo.
That was it.
Iran?
Nowhere to be found.

And the narcissistic Americans all screamed:

Who cares about those loonies, anyway???

A brave woman’s, *ahem* unscathed family name has been tarnished! STOP THE PRESSES!
So let’s get this straight: The most powerful country in the world (…right?) with the single most powerful media in the history of mankind is being held hostage by a failed Vice Presidential candidate who is up in arms about a (misappropriated) joke from a late night comedian while the very same genocidal dictator she was so concerned about when there were still votes to be won, has taken by force an election from an entire country who is desperately trying to exercise the democracy we’re attempting to establish by means of the war she supported in the country right next door - and she wants to talk about getting her feelings hurt from a joke?
In the middle of a massive recession, there is a movement to Fire David Letterman - who still has a job entertaining us by keeping her name in the press - for a joke?
Sticks and stones are literally breaking bones and she wants us to care about a joke?
And… we do???
Do I have that right?

During the election, when votes were needed stat, Sarah Palin:

Ahmadinejad may choose his words carefully, but underneath all of the rhetoric is an agenda that threatens all who seek a safer and freer world. We gather here today to highlight the Iranian dictator’s intentions and to call for action to thwart him.
He must be stopped….

The world must awake to the threat this man poses to all of us. Iran is responsible for attacks not only on Israelis, but on Jews living as far away as Argentina. Anti-Semitism and Holocaust denial are part of Iran’s official ideology and murder is part of its official policy. Not even Iranian citizens are safe from their government’s threat to those who want to live, work, and worship in peace. Politically-motivated abductions, torture, death by stoning, flogging, and amputations are just some of its state-sanctioned punishments.

And worth noting:

It is said that the measure of a country is the treatment of its most vulnerable citizens. By that standard, the Iranian government is both oppressive and barbaric. Under Ahmadinejad’s rule, Iranian women are some of the most vulnerable citizens.
If an Iranian woman shows too much hair in public, she risks being beaten or killed.
If she walks down a public street in clothing that violates the state dress code, she could be arrested.
But in the face of this harsh regime, the Iranian women have shown courage. Despite threats to their lives and their families, Iranian women have sought better treatment through the “One Million Signatures Campaign Demanding Changes to Discriminatory Laws.” The authorities have reacted with predictable barbarism. Last year, women’s rights activist Delaram Ali was sentenced to 20 lashes and 10 months in prison for committing the crime of “propaganda against the system.” After international protests, the judiciary reduced her sentence to “only” 10 lashes and 36 months in prison and then temporarily suspended her sentence. She still faces the threat of imprisonment.

So we’re all clear: Iran is attempting to rid themselves, by way of democratic vote, of the monster named Ahmadinejad - the main contributor to the threat we all heard about when votes could be won by warning people of threats. That very same Ahmadinejad, whom Sarah Palin said herself was one of our biggest enemies, rigs the election and sends his police out into the streets to kill anyone who opposes him. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin - so aware of Ahmadinejad 9 months ago - says nothing.
Well of course, she’s been busy: Who else is gonna cash in on the Victim Ticket because David Letterman did what he’s been doing 5 nights a week for decades?

Look: I get it. The media follows the story. I understand that. My focus here is what’s happening with the benevolent Mrs. Palin. The audacity required to make a mountain out of a molehill while there is a literal volcanic catastrophe happening across the street is the stuff of legend!!!

For every person who’s given me that blank, stunned look when I say Sarah Palin is nothing “like me” - here’s why.
She says what her demographic wants to hear. And while the politics of fear weren’t powerful enough to win her and McCain the election last year, there’s no time like the present to start the campaign trail utilizing the politics of martyrdom in order to get back to the spot where the easier, more prefabricated politics of fear can take over.

Well, now I have something I’m offended about: I had a great show and this narcissistic fraud derailed it while she spun some “insult” to the very same family she’s used to advance her career into the beginning of a campaign that won’t start in earnest for 3 more years!! You haven’t heard the last of me, Palin!

Do Americans - including Christian Americans - actually care that another group of human beings are having their liberties stolen by force? Is it possible that the change we’d all feel safer to see happen is being thwarted by The Tyranny of Evil Men, while we’re over here misapplying poorly executed jokes and throwing fits?

Okay, enough.

Briefly:
Why does Taco Bell give you no Hot Sauce unless you ask, then… 3 pounds of it when you do?

Now that Kobe has his ring without Shaq, all you Lakers-goggle wearing fair weather fans might as well start counting down to the day when you’ll forget why you stuck that goofy flag out of your SUV window so long ago. He’s gone.

So You Think You Can Dance? is the best reality competition on television aside from The Amazing Race. Dudes do watch it… but why don’t they feel comfortable admitting it?
Well:
I’m an out of the closet SYTYCD? fan - and PROUD OF IT.

Speaking of television that no one watches: Pushing Daisies is officially doneski. Way to blow it, world!

I thought that Benjamin Button movie was great until hey had to use an actual little kid and the whole illusion was lost, but Blindness is the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Do not watch it in an attempt to prove me wrong - you’re welcome. I’m certain it qualifies… for this.

Heavy Rotation: White Lies‘ To Lose My Life; House of Heroes‘ The End Is Not The End - particularly the songs “By Your Side” and “Ghost” and… Jim Gaffigan’s King Baby - you will laugh, hard.

Tool: ÆNIMA by Rolling Stone

I hate reviewing new music. Hate it.
As a musician who has seen my fair share of rough reviews, I know how it feels to hear (err- read, as in “This Has Been Written And Therefore It Is So“) someone talking mean about your baby.
The good ones? In one ear and out the other, honestly. But the bad ones… hurt a little. Add into it the fact that these days, when they’re bad, they’re not just bad - they’re BRUTAL.
Only you know what it took to make this album.
Only you know why you did what you did - and if you have any art to your stuff, you don’t go explaining every little step. Them’s the rules. Half the fun for me as a listener is finding my own meaning in songs; as an artist, the most excitement I get from music is hoping others catch what I’m putting out there. I like those dynamics, the risk is worth the reward. The price of that risk can be that no one gets anything you’ve done, or worse… compares it to something you can’t stand!
Only you know what the album - your new baby - means to you.
Logically, it would follow that only you know how it feels to be told, “DAMN! Your baby is ugly.”

I’d like you to keep that in mind from here on out as we put a slight twist on the term “Album Review” with what we call, simply:
Reviews… of Reviews.

Most of the time these babies will be of current albums that we think should get a little more attentive attention. We’ll do our best. Most of the time. That will be all well and good, but as I’ve stated before: I don’t believe that a review is even worth reading unless the person reviewing the album has had some time to experience that album beyond what I’m convinced is the usual regimen of today’s “music critic” - a cursory listen to something the “critic” gets in the mail scattered between reality television shows and too many hours on the XBOX360. I think the real soul of this idea will come from revisiting some of the albums that have stood the test of time after having originally been panned by the self-important fascist regime of Those Who Cannot Do.

With that in mind: Let us begin.
My first offering was in many ways the inspiration for this perspective on the traditional “album review.” Almost 15 years ago, Tool put an album out that changed not only my perception of where Rock music could go, but most of the Stavesacre boys’ perspective (No… what???) and that of an entire generation of Hard Rock music fans and musicians:
ÆNIMA

I’d been a fan of the band since the first E.P. because I felt they bore favorable comparisons to Quicksand. After I spent some time really studying the artwork of the Opiate E.P. I got kinda creeped out, immediately deciding Quicksand was more my speed. Then Undertow came out and I thought, “Hold on… this band is on something else,” Plus: they scared me, honestly. I’d met Danzig and was familiar with the whole Mysterious Rock Singer as Badass image. It was all the rage in the early 90’s: The Frightening Artist.
Where Danzig had all the Devil imagery in his songs - he’d taken the totally original Vaudevillian-meets-B-Horror-Movie cool of the Misfits and appeared to have convinced himself that he really was some kind of werewolf or something - but this band was talking about… other things. Things that were actually both disgusting and utterly disturbing - real things. I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say that some of the previously untapped metaphors utilized in songs called “Prison Sex” and “4º” left one feeling slightly light headed upon repeated listens.
After I saw that creepy little video for “Sober” - where Maynard appears as a blurry nightmare of an image for about 2 seconds - I remember thinking:
Maynard is far scarier than Glenn Danzig - like, I think he’d do something crazy if they got into a fight, like eat his liver or something.
And I wasn’t the only one.

By the time ÆNIMA dropped, Quicksand was history (along with what I’d mistakenly believed was the second wave of Punk Rock) and Danzig was about as scary as that kid from school who played Dungeons & Dragons. (Or World of Warcraft for those of you who have no idea what a 12 sided-die is.) I clearly remember hearing “Hooker With A Penis” for the first time in Jeff Bellew’s truck when the LP came out earlier than the CD - he put it to tape and we listened with our mouths open as about 5 minutes of pure Poetic Justice erupted from the speakers. (more on that later)
When the CD came out I stopped everything, got it home and went directly to my room. Even as an (almost) grown man in his mid-20’s, I didn’t want anyone interrupting me while I was listening to it - headphones on - from start to finish. I probably listened to nothing else for a solid month or two. There was just so much going on that you couldn’t just listen to the album, pick out the single and tire of it immediately. From the mix - layers and layers of power and melody - to the music - brutal, intricate, melodic, powerful, etc. In my mind it was the perfect Hard Rock album, my generation’s “important” Hard Rock album.

Then, the critics got hold of it.

Back then - a million years ago, when people still bought magazines - I used to check out what Rolling Stone and SPIN had to say about anything that I was into. They were the Authorities. I was stoked when a band I’d already known about was on the verge of success - it was like a nice big, “I Told Ya So.” ÆNIMA was great, all of my friends and I knew it was great, and we were looking to tell the world once again: “Told ya.”
I opened Rolling Stone Magazine and this is what I read:

Noise as purgative: Tool shove their iron-spike riffing and shock-therapy polemics right up the claustrophobic dead end of so-called alternative metal in the name of a greater metaphysical glory – something along the fuzzy lines of Jungian cyberoccultism. That’s all very admirable and even a bit impressive; anyone who tries to elevate heavy music above cock-rock clown time is to be encouraged. Still, the best parts of Ænima come when Tool just let the music rip and dip with the broiling, avant-metal ferocity of Led Zeppelin’s Presence. Also, let us call a moratorium on concept CDs that come with lightweight “Intermission” instrumental tracks. If you need to take a piss in the middle of the record, just hit the pause button.

Now… what this doesn’t show is the fact that it got 1 out of whatever they were giving - I honestly forget because I immediately dismissed anything this magazine had to say about hard music from the moment I read the last line of the review. It was such a slap in the face: You’re jocking artists like LIVE, BUSH, R.E.M., Hole and… SON VOLT(???) and you’ve just treated this album as self-indulgent Prog-Rock, or to be more specific “taking a piss”??? (Plus: Britishisms? Seriously?) Good grief, this Fricke guy strikes me as one of those dudes who talks like he’s in Oasis but lives in Ohio. (BTW: if you can find the SPIN magazine review of this very same album, you’ll find an even more brutal and dismissive splooge of snobbery) Hey millionaires! You suck!

Wouldn’t be the first time anyone has said that. Hmm, wonder why they jock Led Zeppelin all the time now? Whatever, different subject…

ÆNIMA was new. New, in an age of not much new; new, meaning fresh, original and (sometimes in this case, disturbing, but ultimately) NEW.
Songs like the aforementioned “Hooker…” were a new take on the relationship between band and fan - and the brutal extension of what really goes through the mind of someone who’s just had some ignorant little shit tell them they’d sold out; the title track was a Shane Lechler kick to the groin for any person who really believed that their skewed self-image were actually a thing of value. “Stinkfist” (or, more comfortably, “Track #1″) was social commentary on the way we as a society have become desensitized by over-stimulated media blitzing… I think. Okay, I hope; “Eulogy” was about as final a coffin nail on the Martyred Hero complex as one could imagine. Throughout the album, artwork to sound bites, there was dry, hard as nails gallows-humor to keep it moving: Images of California sinking into the sea as punishment for it’s sins by way of an album cover that could have come out of a CrackerJack box; tributes to the late Bill Hicks; and lyrics, lyrics, lyrics. From unusual metaphors to clever word plays (Album Title: ÆNIMA. Title track: ÆNEMA) this album goes to great lengths to give the listener something to figure out. And the melody? There’s a moment on the song “Jimmy” that shows you just how amazing this guy’s voice is - should shed some light on why someone like Tricky, another artist who was actually doing something new around that time, said, “I wish I had a voice like the guy of Tool.”
At that time, who in Hard Rock was writing at this depth? No one. Maybe… Trent Reznor? The lyrics at times were both revealing & vulnerable (”Jimmy,” “Third Eye”) and sarcastic social commentary (”Stinkfist,” title track, “Hooker”). Every once in a while just plain… batty. “46 & 2″ is still my favorite song off the album but I’ve never taken it too seriously - it’s just a great song. And that bass line…
That’s the other thing: No one out there was doing the musical calculus that these guys were. Rage Against the Machine had all kinds of spitfire and venom, and while musically they were superior to most every other “Hard Rock” band out there, Tool was doing bizarre time signatures and layered compositions that brought to mind less Led Zeppelin and more… Peter Gabriel? (I remember hearing the David Bottrill would be taking Sylvia Massy’s place on the album… not sure if he acted as engineer or more, but the difference in production between this and the first two releases was night and day.)

The album opened up options for Hard Rock music in general - people saw that art didn’t have to be sacrificed in order to have force. (although, again: Jane’s kinda already started that ball rolling…) Essentially, ÆNIMA gave Hard Rock fans and musicians an option to be more than just meatheads.
No one told me these things… they’re just the conclusions I’ve drawn after years of listening to these songs, drawing them in and working out the artistic interpretations that were available to me. The point is… to say this album merely “elevated c#@%-rock” is a gross understatement. The album has depth that only the truly devoted listener knows is there - to pan this disc as an average Hard Rock album that simply needs to let the band do its thing is just… seriously incomplete in it’s evaluation of the album in question. There is power, imagery - some disturbing, some simply poignant - here that the “cursory” listen will not allow a full appreciation of.

This might just be what happens when you review something as a job - you’re over it, you give it a quick once over and move on. Maybe it’s what happens when a Jazz guy has to review a Rock album.
Or maybe it’s just what happens when someone who has never done this, is given a job telling those who have done this… how to do this.

“Those who can’t do teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym.”
— Woody Allen

Blame American Idol

I subscribe to exactly two magazines.
Ligonier Ministries’ devotional study guide, Table Talk and the mildly sarcastic but highly entertaining, Entertainment Weekly. I get the occasional episode of HM in the mail, but as regular subscriptions go, Table Talk and EW are the only staples in the home of the Salomons. Salomen, if you will. Anyhow, Table Talk is what I read with my coffee, EW is what I read… when I feel like reading magazines.
I enjoy it because it’s quick and funny, with sharp humor and in my humble opinion, pretty decent taste most of the time. I share a lot of their opinions on movies and music. I’ve even been turned on to some solid books The Terror, Lush Life and Island of the Lost. (It was the first place I heard about that gigantic downer that landed on Oprah’s Book list for like, 3 years, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, which was a lot like watching this:

- only with better writing and a lot more sadness. Thanks for that - ’cause the world needs more sadness.)

Anyway, I usually read each weekly edition from cover to cover, looking forward to the next week’s edition about two days after the one in my hand showed up in my mailbox.
Usually.
This latest edition has me… uncomfortable.
It started with the cover:

And followed with the story inside.

… Once in a very long while, someone arrives who doesn’t just dominate American Idol, but challenges and even changes it. Idol has always positioned itself as a portal to what ”America” (meaning, its particular viewers) desires in a newly anointed star. It’s no accident that each episode’s opening credits showcase faceless CGI humanoids striding toward their destinies. Idol stars are supposed to be blank slates, ”relatable” folk with extraordinary talent whom we elect in an orderly fashion and elevate to success.

Meet Adam Lambert. Adam has messed all that up. Adam is nobody’s idea of a blank slate. Adam is a surprise.

Essentially all that is a lead up to the “big” controversy: Adam Lambert might be gay.

“Wait a minute! This guy is… g-g-g-gay??? Well I NEVER! Somebody grab a rope!!!”

I live in Southern California - lived in Long Beach for a couple years. I worked in Hollywood.
Gay is not shocking. Gay doesn’t even strike me as especially… special. You want shocking and special? One night outside the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard, a man ask my friend Margaret for a cigarette - when she held one out to him he got an exasperated look on his face, huffed and then lifted up two stumps. He was born without hands. “Can’t you light it for me?”
(How does one begin to…? Never mind)
That was kinda shocking. Gay? Not so much.

I could care less if dude is gay, straight or capable of card tricks. Seriously. It’s not my concern - I love everybody. I am uncomfortable with people telling me what I’m uncomfortable with, but this isn’t about whether or not I need some total stranger defining my character - we’ll save that for another day. The cover declares this guy the “most exciting” contestant in years - that’s what’s burnin’ my butt. For those involved, the conversation has officially changed and music has nothing to do with it. So… just what we need: Another image first, talent later scenario.
I liked it better when the artist had a great song, then I cared enough to actually find out that artist’s life beyond the music. Now we switch that around, and the reason we’re supposed to buy this kid’s albums is because… he’s “different.” Something seems fishy here.

He’s exciting, why?
Why, on this “singing show,” is this guy so exciting? I thought American Idol was about the singing, I had no idea it was a “portal” to the American soul. Why didn’t anyone tell me this?

This talk of Adam Lambert’s “specialness” and verve has very little to do with singing. On a show purportedly about undiscovered singing talent, at issue here is image and fashion… otherwise known as something other than singing. Again.
When are these people gonna learn?
“He has a big voice.”
Y’know, so have like 90% of the people who’ve ever made it to the finals for the show. The celebrities on TV shows talk about their charities in the same way: it’s an afterthought. Why is he any more exciting than anyone who preceded him? Because he looks like Pete Wentz with way too much foundation? Peter Parker with way too much foundation?

Appearing right before us is a very convincing example of why the music industry sucks.
It starts off being about music, gets sidetracked on image and then, like a child that sees a pretty butterfly, completely forgets the original point, too busy chasing after some irrelevant “angle.” Next thing you know, music is not even what we’re talking about anymore.

I used to watch American Idol all the time.
First it was kind of exciting - watching singers who’d never really had a chance before get the opportunity to be successful. It was occasionally hilarious, watching those people who sincerely thought they were great singers prove to America that they were not. Every once in a while you’d get the entitled kids, so sure of their future Star Quality after being fed years of lines from their stagemothers/snakeoilsalesman/stalkers “vocal coaches,” only to be systematically and irrevocably shut down. It lost some of its luster after the second or third idiot who showed up wearing a diaper or dressed like an androgynous wizard in order to get a shot at 15 seconds of utterly willful self-humiliation disguised as “fame”; the excitement was in full wane when all the actual singers with actual vocal coaches and a couple actual failed record deals (… or photo shoots) started lining up. Like most aspects of the music industry, it turned into a lot of posturing, a lot of “playing the game” and so forth.
The final nosedive into Lame Pond? While this “singing competition” devolved into a popularity contest that parents would feel comfortable allowing their 9 year olds to become involved with, it somehow remembered that it was at one time a “singing competition” - and as a result, it sort of half-assed it back to music. Quicker than you can say “Kelly Clarkson” we had a popularity contest for the kids and an Adult Contemporary Orgy for the parents.

AHHH! What they’ve done to the music… I’m sorry, but I call it quits when Barry “Staple Face” Manilow is supposedly giving people advice on how to be a Pop singer today. Add in those same 9 year old girls out there screaming their brains out for a man whose smile starts behind his earlobes? Gimme the remote.
(You wonder why every other one of them does lousy after they win this show???)
I mean… Andrew Lloyd Weber? Plus: At a certain point in one’s life, one must ask oneself, “Am I really entertained by the latest poorly executed Jim Morrison wannabe, especially when he insists upon staring ever-so-longingly into a camera?”

That’s a lot of dork to deal with on purpose.
After last season’s über Adult Contemporary, “Yay-We-Got-Chris-Daughtry-After-All!” finish, it just wasn’t that fun anymore, honestly. David Cook may really be talented, but he’s now contractually obligated to the dimwits responsible for this.

Oh hey, check this out.
(teehee.)

I’ve heard Randy Jackson say it over and over: “This is a singing competition.”
Really? ‘Cause it seems more like a high school election.
I’ve been aware that the show was more about image than it was about talent for a while now - one need only check out a couple seasons ago when this chick with a decent voice:

Finished ahead of this strange little dude with an amazing voice:

And yet here we are, with magazines like my beloved Entertainment Weekly giving their valuable cover space to Adam Lambert. All this stuff about the dude’s flamboyant personality and so very little about music. The article asks the question:

Can an openly gay contestant win American Idol?

The conversation has officially changed.
What if the dude is actually… good? Will we ever know?
What if he wins and his album doesn’t sell? What if he doesn’t win and it sells like gangbusters?
See the dilemma we’ve got on our hands? Music really has nothing to do with it anymore so essentially no matter what happens, this guy’s story is gonna be about whether or not he’s gay - with some singing sprinkled in for color.
It’s not exclusive to American Idol, by the way - but they’re an easy target so… I say blame them.
Someone’s gotta pay. Someone’s gotta set an example.
Someone’s gotta be the example if we’re ever gonna get music to matter again - why not them?

Beastie Boys Get All Da Vinci Code

PunkNews Reports:

Two apparent new tracks from Beastie Boys have surfaced. “Lee Majors Come Again” and “B Boys in the Cut” were part of a bonus 7″ that came with select copies of the band’s recent 4-LP reissue of their 1992 album, Check Your Head.

“Lee Majors Come Again” can be heard here, and “B Boys in the Cut” can be heard here.

The band’s new record is expected this summer, and they’ll be one of the headliners at Lollapalooza in August.

Don’t you just hate it when bands do weird and thought-provoking crap like this? Wouldn’t it be so much better if they just debuted their songs on an overplayed, overexposed iTunes commercial, as opposed to letting their true fans do a little digging? Geez. So ’90’s.

Last.fm moves to a subscription-based streaming service for much of the world

So, source of all relevant news-type information, Punknews.com says:

Popular music/social media website last.fm has started charging users outside of the United States, United Kingdom and Germany a fee for their streaming radio services. After a 30 song trial period expires, users must pay a €3.00 monthly fee to continue utilizing the streaming radio services. Some reasons behind the change were given on the site’s official blog:

Last.fm Radio has always been ad supported, which means we sell ads on the site to cover the cost of running the service and paying the music licensing fees. If you’ve spent more than 5 minutes on the site you’ll know that the Last.fm community is international to the extreme – we are made up of people from practically every country in the world. Last.fm is a better place for it.

However, we simply can’t be in every country where our radio service is available selling the ads we need to support the service. The Internet is global, and geographic restrictions seem unfair, but it’s a reality we are faced with every day when managing our music licensing partnerships.

The rest of the site’s features (scrobbling, recommendations, charts, biographies, events, videos, etc.) will remain free in all countries.

I suppose my only question here is… What?
I don’t know, I’m sure there’s a scam somewhere in here, but I’m too burnt out to create find it.

“Oh, he’s like Pearl Jam!”
- Jim Gaffigan

No plans for new D.R.I. album, says guitarist Spike Cassidy

By way of Punknews:

In an interview with MorbidZine.com, D.R.I. guitarist Spike Cassidy ruled out the possibility of a new studio album. He notes:

I’m not sure. We live in four different states across the country. Washington, California, Texas and Florida. Just to practice will cost thousands in plane fare alone. Money that we don’t have. We all have our own lives and families now, conflicts in scheduling keep us from touring right now. We might be able put together some shows, but it wont be easy. We have a long way to go before we are working on a new album again. I just hope we can play a few shows.

The band has not released any new material since 1995’s Full Speed Ahead, despite touring off and on for the past couple years. The band went on hiatus back in 2006.

Sounds familiar…
Guys, call me.

Hey You Freeloaders! The Sub Pop "Loser" Scholarship: 2009

Very cool, especially for a record label.
Probably some fine print involving your first born, but… what do you want from me? I’m not your lawyer. Figure it out yourself, teacher’s pet.

It’s back! We’re a little late in letting the tens of you good people who regularly visit our website know about it, but we’re exceptionally pleased with ourselves to announce the return of The Sub Pop Scholarship! We’ve done this for the past few years (2007 announcement and winning loser, the 2008 announcement and last year’s crop of losers) and are really just ridiculously happy to be able to do so again this year (you know, what with the virtual collapse of the record industry, the generally crappy state of the economy, this swine flu business, etc.).

So! The details!

Sub Pop Records in Seattle, WA is offering a grand total of $13,000 worth of college scholarship money to three eligible high school seniors. There are three scholarships—one for $6,000, one for $4,000 and one for $3,000. To apply for these scholarships you must be a resident of Washington or Oregon, and a graduating senior on your way to full-time enrollment at an accredited university or college. We are looking for an applicant who is involved and/or interested in music and/or the creative arts in some way.

To apply for these scholarships we would like you to submit an essay, no longer than one page, letting us know about one or more of the following topics:

• What are you doing in the arts/music field in your community?
• How and/or why did you become interested in artistic outlets?
• How would this scholarship money help you progress in your chosen field?
• What are your influences and/or who inspires you?
• Who are some of your favorite bands or artists?

Applicants are encouraged to send digital links and provide hard copies of their artwork along with their essay. However, please be aware that Sub Pop will not return any of this material, so please don’t send originals. Sub Pop will give equal opportunity to all applicants who fit the criteria outlined above. The deadline for applications is June 15th.

Please send all submissions and attachments to scholarship@subpop.com

All physical submissions should be sent to:

Sub Pop Records
Attn: Scholarship
2013 4th Ave, 3rd Floor
Seattle, WA 98121

Amount: $6,000 / $4,000 / $3,000 – checks will be made payable to the university or college of the winning applicants’ choice and applied to winning applicants’ tuition.

Blink-182 taps… Weezer for Reunion Tour?

Blink 182 is kinda ballsy according to Buzznet:

Pop-punk demigods Blink-182 are planning to take Weezer on the road as their main supporting act when they hit the concert circuit this summer, an informed source has revealed to Buzznet. Though the tour schedule has not been made public, the pairing of two hugely creative (and funny) bands is likely to make their tour one of the must-see events of the year.

Of course, Blink fans have been on cloud nine since the band re-united on the Grammy Awards and announced they would not only tour but release new music. Their comeback will be part of action-packed 90’s-flavored summer lineup that also includes the return of No Doubt. (In a departure from Blink’s apparent plan to take out some fellow elder statesmen, No Doubt is opting to feature a younger band — Paramore, you’ve heard of them? — as their opener).

The question of how Blink would shape their tour has been a hot topic among fans for weeks. Speculation about a pairing with Weezer has been building online, but according to our source, it’s now a done deal.

Blink’s Mark Hoppus stoked fan excitement himself when he released a picture of the band’s possible setlist through Twitter. The image seems to represent merely possible ideas but it was enough to spark conversation. Barely a week ago, Hoppus revealed to his 180,000+ Twitter followers that one Pete Wentz had jumped into the fray and requested that Blink include “Stay Together For The Kids” on their setlist. (Hoppus says they will).

We have just two questions:
Who ELSE should be considered to join the Blink tour? And is Weezer really likely to go over well with Blink’s audience?

In other news, Blink 182 are demigods. FYI.

MERCH WAR - IT’S ON.

Attention Record Labels: I would like to cordially invite you stand up to these accusations.
PLEASE, be my guest. By all means, defend the 360 and tell us what you really do for the bands in return.

I dare you.

From, MerchWar - and in full support from d2t:

Open Letter To The Record Companies – Why You Should Leave The Merchandising Industry

1. Merchandising is not the music business, it’s the apparel business. Besides, no matter how much the lop label executives try, they will not be able to swallow their pride enough to embrace a business they would have rather pissed on 10 years ago. And to those conglomerates who owned themselves a Giant, Winterland, or Niceman back in the day - that doesn’t count towards the new paradigm.

2. You have less leverage than you think because you are increasingly becoming unnecessary. Very soon, even a monkey will be able to effectively distribute music online. So why would a band trade an additional 359.5 “degrees” of themselves in exchange for a record deal? Besides, the real merchandise companies have always been happy to cover a bands short term cash needs with less exploitive terms.

3. If I could be a fly on the wall and watch a major label merchandise strategy meeting, my guess is that it resembles a 12 year old dousing an anthill with gasoline and lighting it on fire.

4. Labels: Do you really think that your best case fractional ownership of the merchandise market will come close to equalizing your loss in music revenue?

5. The real merchandise companies will push back and win. They have the tools, the drive, and quite frankly much more experience in many aspects of the industry. Maybe some of you will be lucky and they will hire you to administer their publishing companies.

What I found bizarre, was that one of the first actual comments about this was from… someone defending the labels. What are the odds some “kid” would read the above statements and take your side? Amazing.

Dumb Says:
March 26th, 2009 at 9:05 am
This is a dumb argument. Record companies are much more important and relevant to any artist than any merchandising company. Merchandising companies don’t pay to record/release an album or to publicize and market the artist (aka “the brand”). If a record company is willing to pay for the merch, pay for the design, store the merch and sell the merch, along with provide funding to actually make people know who the artist is so people then BUY the merch, then they have every right to make some money off of all the work they just did to make the consumer buy that merch. Without their initial investment (risky investment) into the artist, noone would care enough about or know who that artist is to want to even buy the t-shirt. I definitely think some record companies aren’t very smart and try to merchandise artists that maybe don’t require merchandising, but they’re pissing away their own money. All in all, if a record company is willing to do the work to make the artist known and to handle their merchandising, then they deserve payment for their work. If this puts merch companies out of business, then oh well.

Heaven help you poor schmucks if this is who you’re expecting to support your dying industry in the future. My comment is awaiting moderation as of this moment, but I’d say it’s a little more reflective of how us silly band types feel.

Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? I’ll take a Grande Coffee, no room for cream.

p.s. Visit despair.com - maybe you can pick out a gift for your favorite record executive.

Rock Band Sells $1 Billion In Music. 1. Billion.

So, wonder where all the bands have gone? Where are the new revolutionaries of music when we need them most? I’ll tell you: They’re at home, in front of a bitchin’ flat screen, playing karaoke.

The good thing about this? Sure, we may be missing out on the next Hendrix, but think of all the shitty bands we’re avoiding!

TechRadar reports:

MTV Games and Harmonix have turned the volume up to 11, shifting over $1 billion (£700 million) worth of games and downloads in North America in just 15 months, according to data from NPD Group.

In addition, over 40 million songs have been paid for in downloads to the RockBand platform, surpassing arch-rival Guitar Hero.

The franchise has 614 songs offered via the Rock Band platform, both on-disc and the in-game music store, from 269 different artists and bands.

Meanwhile, this kid is unimpressed:

Emo is… Scary?

Well, I’ve had this story from PunkNews in the can for a couple days but figured I’d just get on with it:

According to a recent Guardian report, the fourth scariest word for parents right now is “emo.” The word is among the ten most common words that parents are blocking their children from searching for. Other words include “suicide” and “depressed” and “skinny.”

The source of the paranoia about the otherwise innocuous word likely stems from media coverage of a recent suicide and similar incidents.



As Punknews.org has mentioned before, we urge
people facing depression or suicidal thoughts to consider calling 1-800-SUICIDE where they can speak to a counselor. Prevent children from searching for words like “depression” and “suicide” does absolutely nothing to prevent tragic incidents from occuring.

No kidding.
This is just… pathetic, really.
Dear Parents: Time to watch some of those old John Hughes movies so you can remember what it was like… and what you swore you’d never do.

Agnostic Front announces new drummer

Punknews is reporting that Agnostic Front has announced the addition of drummer Pokey Mo. Mo is formerly of hardcore/metal act Leeway. AF frontman Roger Miret commented:

The band is extremely happy to welcome Pokey to the fold. He’s a pro and we look forward to having him as a part of the band.

Couldn’t find a very clear pic of Pokey Mo, but chances are that if he’s joining this band…

… he probably got the name “Pokey” after he stabbed your mom with a shank carved from the broken shard of a feral dog’s jawbone.

The band will be touring with Ruiner in April.

Countdown - Hannah Montana: The Movie

Yes, a countdown was necessary for this. There is no hope.
And you people ask what’s wrong with the music biz. HOW DARE YOU.
Summary

In anticipation of the upcoming theatrical release of Walt Disney Pictures’ feature film “Hannah Montana The Movie,” Radio Disney AM 990 Miami will host a countdown to “Hannah Montana The Movie” on SATURDAY, MARCH 21 (1:00 – 3:00 p.m.) at The Promenade at Coconut Creek. Radio Disney’s Road Crew will entertain the crowd with sing-alongs, interactive games and prizes. The station will also sponsor a national sweepstakes where kids can enter to win the National Grand Prize, a 4 day/3 night trip for four to Los Angeles, California to attend the Red Carpet Premiere of Walt Disney Pictures’ “Hannah Montana The Movie.”

Pitchengine… or Machine of the Apocalypse?

Radiohead, Billy Bragg critical of YouTube royalties

PunkNews’ recent article on Radiohead and Billy Bragg should serve as a pre-earthquake tremble to the Record industry:

Radiohead, Billy Bragg and others have come out strongly against the relationship between their record labels and video streaming super-site YouTube. According to this cnet report. Billy Bragg noted:

Google, YouTube’s owner, is a company that makes billions in profits,We think they should be paying artist royalties from the advertising revenue they make. A dispute like this illustrates the needs for the creation of the Featured Artists Coalition, so we have a voice and the public understand that sites like Google should be paying for music.

YouTube responded with this statement:

We absolutely agree that artists and writers should be paid from the advertising revenue earned from their content on YouTube. That is precisely what we are offering the PRS.

Much of the controversy in the UK stems from a failure of the PRS (”Performance Rights Society”) reaching an aggreement with YouTube. As a result, music video content was recently yanked from the UK version of YouTube.

There is too much happening here to be ignored - and if things take a turn the artists way, more changes could immediately follow. This could climax with a nice little collision between the Monopoly Men, Google/YouTube and the artists actually providing the content that all these middle management types rely so heavily on.
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! Is it too good to be true?

Beastie Boys Get Weird

Good news continues with subtle rumblings of a new Beastie Boys album due out this year. Last time they started talking about experimenting with new sounds, we got Check Your Head.
Things could be worse, right? (Try, “experimenting with a new surgery that will make you a love machine, or… give you a limp.” )

Damian Jones of BBC news says:

By Damian Jones

Beastie Boys bassist Adam MCA Yauch has revealed their forthcoming new album has taken the rap collective in a “bizarre” new direction.

“It’s a combination of playing and sampling stuff as we’re playing, and also sampling pretty obscure records,” he said of their eighth studio LP.

They have tentatively named the record Tadlock’s Glasses, after a former tour bus driver, who was once presented with a pair of glasses by Elvis.

The band are set to tour in the summer.

Speaking to BBC Five Live at the Independent Spirit Awards in Los Angeles, Yauch said the collective are currently putting the finishing touches to their new album.

“We’re tweaking some mixes and we’re going to master it in the next couple of weeks,” he explained.

“There are a lot of songs on the record and there are a lot of short songs and they kind of all run into each other.”

The record comes nearly two years after their Grammy Award-winning instrumental LP The Mix-Up.

Of the title he explained: “We had a bus driver years ago who used to drive Elvis’ back up singers.

“His name was Tadlock and Elvis gave him a pair of glasses which he was very proud of. So for some reason that title - Tadlock’s Glasses - has just been bouncing around.”

Although no firm release date has been set for the record, Yauch said the Beastie Boys would return to the UK for a series of tour dates in support of the album later this year.

And from Entertainment Weekly’s Simon Vozick-Levinson -

The Beastie Boys are putting the finishing touches on their eighth studio album. “It’s a pretty weird record,” rapper Adam Yauch (MCA) told EW at last weekend’s Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica, Calif., where Wendy and Lucy, which Yauch’s company distributed, was nominated. And unlike 2007’s vocal-free The Mix-Up, he promises it will feature “a lot of rhyming and playing and sampling — all combined.” Beyond that, details are scarce, but Yauch hints that the venerable trio has been (no surprise here) experimenting with new sounds: “We still have a good time working together. It’s fun to be able to reinvent yourself every time.” They’re aiming for a summer or fall release, though no date has been set.

Sounds good to me, but if you wanna get really weird, make this happen:

New Leak On The Horizon - Bono To Destroy Australia?

Not sure who broke the story, but apparently a Universal Australia staffer still believes that people are basically good. Some yahoo down there made the egregious error of making U2’s not-yet-released album, No Line On The Horizon, digitally available to the media. Or someone. Someone evil.

Now the album’s been leaked, and the fellas are kind of just… dealing with it:

February 20, 2009 03:22 PM ET

Jonathan Cohen, N.Y. and Lars Brandle, Brisbane
Following a widespread leak earlier this week, U2 is streaming its new album, “No Line on the Horizon,” today on its MySpace page.

The move comes after staffers at Universal Music Australia inadvertently made “No Line On the Horizon” available digitally more than a week before its release. The album was briefly available for sale on the Universal-affiliated Getmusic.com.au and was promptly uploaded to P2P sites the world over.

Universal and U2’s management had taken extensive steps to keep “Horizon” under wraps. Critics weren’t sent review copies, but were invited to listening parties where recording devices were banned.

The album is no longer streaming in full on the band’s site, (unfortunately) all there is to listen to from Horizon is that weird “Get On Your Boots” song. Hoping for better and would like to know there is more to the album than a song that sounds like it’s missing an instrument, but I’ll be okay because… I actually like to be surprised by an album when it comes out. Amazingly, I find no pleasure in violating the experience by jacking some ghetto version of it with nothing but floating jams for context.
Note to Thieves and General Miscreants: There is a reason why you don’t make music - it requires creativity and artistic vision a bit wider than “How to rip somebody off.”

Let this be a lesson to you Bono: You can do more for your fellow man than most people walking the face earth, but some piece of shit will still steal $10 bucks out of your pocket… then tell roughly 100,000 of his loser friends how to do the same.

Just remember kids: When you steal music from a band, only the evil and soulless Record Executives are harmed. You’re actually like Robin Hood, just with less balls and no redeeming purpose.

Shocker: Warner and Youtube talks break down

PunkNews is reporting:

 

While it seemed likely that all the major labels would be providing their music videos to Google’s YouTube, talks with Warner have apparently broken down.

The two companies failed to come to an agreement and Warner will be pulling their music from the site. According to A Wall Street Journal report, Warner executives are unhappy with the amount of money they receive from YouTube, saying the site’s payment levels are below those of competitors like AOL or MySpace.

The result is that popular videos from acts like Green Day , Against Me! , Dropkick Murphys, My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday, Mastodon, Flaming Lips, Avenged Sevenfold and others will soon be pulled from YouTube.

Yahoo! also has a report on the story, but there’s a whole bunch of words on that page so… you can click here if you’re into self-abuse, or just read this quote from some Warner executive (who is no doubt speaking from years of experience touring and being in bands) which I found to be particularly hilarious:

“We simply cannot accept terms that fail to appropriately and fairly compensate recording artists, songwriters, labels and publishers for the value they provide,” Warner said in a statement.

So let me get this straight: you’re not getting enough money from the fans and potential fans watching videos of your artists, videos they can’t actually download or own, so you’re not going to let them watch these videos anymore. And you’re doing this because… you love your artists, songwriters and publishers so much?

Is that because of this gracious gesture back in 2003? Or this back-stab from back in 2004?

Look, let’s skip the formalities.
1) New bands are now required to sign 360º deals in the hopes that you will fulfill your promises of promotion for your bands and “everybody wins” - including you, who now get a cut of t-shirts, shows, and pretty much everything else. 
(You don’t live on a square gameboard and drive a shoe do you?)

2) YouTube would pay Warner Brothers to provide streaming video in a format the entire world is comfortable and familiar with, in effect being paid by someone to advertise for you, instead of the traditional way you used to complain cost so much.
3) You shut the deal down because you weren’t going to make enough money… off of advertising you were not only not paying for, but you were already going to money from? What the…?

And how much of what you were being paid would end up in the pockets of your artists again? Yeah.

It’s so difficult to understand why the demographic you’ve forsaken all others to capture now feels a sense of entitlement whilst RIPPING YOU OFF.

Congratulations, Idiots of the World. As long as there is a music business, you have job security.

Imagine that: Someone actually DID something

 

Sub Pop forwarded an actual letter to all of us very exclusive, media hotshots recently. (RSS actually stands for “Really Super Special” -  I wear it like a badge) It appears some crazy person, some nut job actually sat down somewhere and took the time to write a letter expressing gratitude for what the label does:

To Whom it May Concern,
I’m writing to say how much I appreciate including a digital download with your packaged vinyl. LP records have long been my preferred format for a multitude of reasons. On the other hand, I lack the components to transcribe my analog collection to a compressed digital format. So, for all recently purchased music, this meant making sacrifices when buying on my preferred medium. Sub Pop vinyl means no compromises. Now, I always check the vinyl section of the store (Amoeba Hollywood) when I’m about to purchase new music. In the last few weeks I’ve purchased at least two albums (Wolf Parade & Blitzen Trapper) from sub pop because of the included digital download. Keep it up, and thanks again.

T. Buns

Now, if you weren’t moved to tears by this letter, try not to be too discouraged. I actually almost forgot about this letter after reading it because it was so… nice. Who does nice anymore?? So passe. 

Then I realized that there was a theme here that I was missing. This person took some time, wrote a letter and expressed appreciation - we’ve gone over this weakness. This person also stupidly admitted to having purchased music, which everyone knows nobody does anymore.

Sacrifices? What? What’s the angle here?

Then this “T. Buns” character actually propped a reputable record shop, admitting the purchase of two releases that were put out from an established label. Probably heard about them from some crazy, half-cocked idea like “promotion” and the whole process culminated with an exchange of goods and services. Just what the hell is going on here??? Sub Pop has the audacity to flaunt a plan in the face of all that has transpired in the record business?

So let me get this straight: If a label takes the time to promote the music created by the artists they’ve signed to people who actually spend money, then that label gives a quality product in exchange for that actual money, records are sold, the customer is actually grateful and the business of music is successful? 

Imagine that.

What the World Needs Now is Edge - Straight Edge

John “Porcell” Porcelly of Youth of Today, Judge, Bold, Shelter and more, has launched a new straight edge clothing line appropriately titled True Till Death. The company explains it’s manifesto:

Straight edge. It’s a choice. A conscious decision not to let chemicals or popular opinion be your ruler. In a world where being “cool” means intoxication and excess, it’s a stance against.
Let them call it a trend. We know it’s more. It’s a common sense lifestyle that frees the body from toxic control and releases the mind from clouded thoughts and dependency.
The X. It’s more than fashion, It’s a statement. Wear it proudly.

You can check out some of the company’s gear here.

Source: Punk News

Hope no one told the investors about the whole, “free from popular opinion” stuff - whatever. Also, I hope for their own sakes that Dischord is cool with the intro…

This is the thing: Minor Threat was probably my first favorite Punk band. As a Christian kid the model was perfect for me and gave me a little pride in the fact that I wasn’t a screwball or a whore. But then… I grew up.

I didn’t grow out of my convictions - I grew into self-control. And… I moved to Huntington Beach. This is a town where you could literally watch a guy get beat up for coming out of a bar because 50 little Straight Edge dudes with skateboards would wait around on Main Street for just that purpose! I’m trying to picture any of those little fascists wearing this stuff - not sure I like the picture.

Last I heard, one of their icons ran a bar down on Main Street. I say we get Dan O’Mahony and Porcell in a room to discuss fashion - Gavin can be the mediator because I think he’d make it funny. Jus’ sayin’.

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